


Steve Discovers the Shipping Rules

by PeterStark



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, Fluff, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Nat ships it, Shipping, So does Peter, Stony - Freeform, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 11:06:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17641598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeterStark/pseuds/PeterStark
Summary: Steve 'discovers' shipping and fanfiction.This is pure crack and silliness.





	Steve Discovers the Shipping Rules

**Author's Note:**

> This just happened.  
> I don't own anything, I just noticed a trend.

"The internet is a weird place." Steve says out of the blue over breakfast.

Nat and Tony, the other two occupants look up. Nat looks as alert as ever, but Tony's barely holding up his coffee cup.

"Yup." Nat nodded. "What did you discover this time?"

"Fanfiction."

"You just found crazy-town. Population: everyone, they just won't talk about it." Tony snorted.

"There's a lot of gay stuff on their too. That seems expressed way more than it used to be."

Nat shrugged. "I'd imagine so. Welcome to the world of shipping."

"I actually know what that term means." Steve said proudly. "And I think I've figured shipping out. It's like there's this code. I was reading a lot and I've figured out the pattern to specifically gay ships."

"Jesus, I haven't had enough coffee for this." Tony refilled his mug after taking a chug of it. "So, Captain, what's the formula?"

"Smart or clever or specialized dark-haired men and strong/brawly lighter haired men, usually blondes, but I found one exception to the rule."

Tony frowned. "Seriously? That's your takeaway from crazy fandom nerds?"

Steve nodded. "Look, I compiled a list of common ships. BBC Sherlock has John/Sherlock together. Smart brunette, strong blond. Supernatural: Dean/Castiel or Sam/Gabriel, both work. Merlin: Merlin/Arthur. James Bond, like the newer ones with Craig: Q/Bond. Those CW shows have that Flash and Arrow thing all over, which, okay, Oliver isn't technically blonde, but his hair is lighter. Then you've got the fictions based on real people-"

"Oh shit, you should definitely stay away from those, Steve. Rule number one, always stay away from 'reality' on the internet. It's likely a lie." Tony rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I saw some weird things there and stayed away. But they had this one talking about Thor and Loki, I mean, they even do that to people in real life. And it's not just for the gay fanfiction either. I mean Mustang and Hawkeye are the same way, though, they both fit both roles if I'm being honest."

"Steve's grown up so much." Nat cooed. "From not getting Star Wars references to shipping and fanfiction. Just don't get on social media, people will eat you alive."

"I think I've figured it out, though." Steve insisted. "So I basically need to find myself a really smart brunette and I'll be set for life, right?"

"I'll introduce you to one." Nat smiled. "Hey, Tony, meet Steve, he's the blond strong type, according to fandoms everywhere, you'll be perfect for each other."

Tony dropped his mug and Steve barely managed to catch it before the cup shattered by Tony's feet. That put Steve right in Tony's space.

"This is the part where you two kiss and live happily ever after." Nat laughed. "I'll leave you to it." She got up and left the room.

"What the fuck is all this about, Steve?" Tony demanded. "I have not had enough coffee for this shit. Did you seriously read a stack of gay fanfiction last night or something?"

Steve shrugged. "I've been trying to figure out how to tell the rest of the team that we're a thing."

"That was the weirdest fucking way about saying it I've ever seen and I'm like, the king of weird stuff." Tony took his mug back and took a sip. "Okay, maybe Loki's the king of weird. Besides, I'm pretty sure most of the team knows we're together, because Peter asked me if we were moving onto the same floor yet or not."

"Peter just doesn't want to be kicked off the penthouse floor."

"He's my kid, he isn't going anywhere, we'll make room for you though, if you want." Tony smiled and kissed Steve gently.

Steve smiled. "I'd like that." Then he paused. "You know, people already write about the two of us?"

"Yeah? Anything interesting?"

"Very. And did you know that in almost all of those pairings the smart, dark-haired partner tends to be the bottom?"

"Well, fanfiction can't get everything right." Tony smirked. "By the way, next time, just fucking tell Nat we're sleeping together. Seriously, it'll be a lot less trouble. Besides, she's a damn spy, she probably knew it before we did. Hell, she probably writes her own damn fanfiction."

"You don't know that!" Nat shouted. "Do NOT try to look me up, you won't ever guess my penname. Now shut up and kiss, I need details."

"I'm going back to bed." Tony rolled his eyes. "I don't want whatever this is."

"Can I come with?" Steve asked.

"No choice. Come on, Steve."

Nat watched the two walk off and turned on Clint. "HA! STONY FOR THE WIN! That's twenty dollars, each."

"Fuck. I thought Stucky was the thing." Clint sighed and dug for his wallet.

Peter held out his hand for a cut of the winnings as well. "Never bet against Stony."

"Now, for operation Smooth Criminal, then all of my shipping dreams will be reality!" Nat smirked.

"And...by criminal you don't mean Deadpool, do you?" Clint raised an eyebrow.

Peter blushed. "Wait, who's the smooth part?"

Nat winked at Peter and walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it isn't too bad.  
> Have a good one.


End file.
